HODL

I’m writing this as I woke up today feeling a bit different in a fortunately positive manner. The past few weeks I’ve been feeling a bit off about a certain aspect of my life.

I feel like I’ve been hooked and addicted to DOTA and there’s nothing else I wanna do in my life which in turn would make me feel guilty because mandatory play time is healthy but it might not be the most emotionally nutritious endeavor if it’s midnight and one more game feels like an immensely enticing activity to do (spoiler alert: it’s never just one more game).

This morning however, I felt different.

I woke up early due to my broken body clock then as I went down to register for the basketball court usage as I wanna try to condition my heart and lungs for longevity as I want to make the most out of this borrowed time we have, I noticed the water in the pool and it felt as if I resonated with its vibration. I felt rational, patient, chill, still, and restful.

I am not sure whether or not it’s because I found a new thing to stare at that causes dopamine surges which is staring at crypto charts all day, trying to predict direction, and betting on that prediction. I’m not sure if it’s because of I’m naturally recovering from the stress caused by watching it by the minute as my heart sinks as the red candle dips (which feels like a rookie mistake). Not sure if it’s because I haven’t gotten at least a 7 hour sleep the past few days and the part of my brain responsible for making me a bit irrational is malfunctioning (thereby resulting to arguably good reasoning) or if it’s because of the physical benefits of exercise resulting to my emotional regulation capabilities being in check.

Maybe all those factors played a role, either way, I’ve come to the realization that I would like to be free from the shackles of dopamine tolerance.

I theorize that noise reduction is key to a still and calm mind - with which the noise stems from the idea that we ought to always be moving, always be going, always be fighting and pushing through the struggle in this world, always be getting that happy hormones until we build tolerance that we end up searching for more, causing to us to feel incomplete and unhappy, causing us to feel that the next level is enough, the next target is enough, only to end up realizing that we’ve stumbled into a perspective that nothing is enough.

Another theorized contributor for noise reduction from the monkey mind is acceptance. In a world full of problems, it might be best to choose our battles wisely given the scarcity present in our resources of time and energy. It looks like a good idea to utilize (given the energy we have) the role we play between stimuli and response.

Example given: under the assumption that it's the individual who decides what minor and major is, if minor shit happens (in major shit, take as long as you need), instead of resenting the world all day, maybe a minute or two would do. Perhaps responding as “that’s okay, shit really just happens” would be the better, pragmatic, more energy-efficient thing to do because feeling bad is healthy and has its purpose but there comes a point that it’s just wasted energy and we would be in a better place, happier, and more satisfied if we just move forward and accept the idea that we don’t have to react to everything thrown to us.

I think we have the courage and capability to stare our issues in the face and say that they don’t deserve our attention. I think we deserve peace.

I was looking at crypto charts the other day. Yikes, I say to myself, as it crashed and what was gained was gone with the wind. I zoomed out and saw another perspective. Every time the chart goes up, it always came before a dip.